Where are you? What state are you in? No, I'm not talking about the state of your address, but your relational state: married, single, seeking, divorced, widowed, etc.? Do you like living there? Is it where you had planned, had hoped, had dreamed? Or are you in a place of shattered dreams, broken promises, or disappointment? Okay, so the place where you reside relationally for some of you is fulfilling all your dreams and for many it isn't where you ever thought you'd be. So what do we do about it?
My wife should have left me years ago. I was a jerk. She trusted in God, prayed, went to church, taught our children right living and I worked most of the time. I can't say that I was ever a non-Christian, because I believed in Christ, but I sure didn't live like a Christian or think like a Christian or even act like a Christian. We were "unequally yoked." Few would have blamed her for leaving me. But it would have been wrong.
So what if we had grown apart in our faith and in our relationship. So what if we were at very different stages of our faith development. We had made a covenant. We were married. Although unequal we were still yoked. And that's where God wanted to use both of us. God didn't give up on us, my wife didn't give up on us and because of that, neither did I.
What does this mean for us? Remember what it is that defines us? It's not someone else, but God. We may need relationships, especially marriage to complete us as people, but we are not defined even by our spouses. We are defined by God alone, that is where we are to begin. So don't think that marriage or any relationship is going to solve all problems, and it is especially wrong to think that a person other than your spouse will fix it either! Take a good look at where you are, God is working right there.
Anything can be redeemed if placed in the hands of God. Strained relationships, broken promises, marriages, lonelieness. What God doesn't want us to do is keep dreaming of what else may be available or possible. Paul's word to us in 1 Corinthians 7, be satisfied where you are, especially if you are married. God is going to use you there. That doesn't mean that marriage is wrong, believe me marriage can be beautiful and is right for most of us. But singleness is also beautiful and right for many. My marriage was redeemed because of my wife's faith, prayers and God's mercy. We both changed and God has used us in some amazing ways. I would have never dreamed of this. And if you are single, keep trusting God. He'll show you what to do.
So...pursue God first, then pursue a spouse if that is your lot. And if you are already married, seek God's redemption for the dream it once was and pursue your spouse like never before. God is in it and will bless you.
Peace ><>
PC
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Friday, January 13, 2006
The Marriage Secret
I don't remember exactly when it happened, but there was a day many years ago that something in my heart changed as I thought about my marriage and our struggles. I had wondered if it was worth the trouble, if we really had what it took to be together. We had been married for a long time, but it seemed that we grew further apart instead of closer together. I wasn't feeling like everything was okay. I didn't feel like I was appreciated enough. I wasn't getting all that I felt like I needed. I was focused on how this marriage was affecting me.
Then it hit me. I was the problem. Me-ism was the prognosis. My focus had been on how this relationship benefitted, or didn't benefit, me. And I wondered why we grew further apart. Now I can't say for sure if this same thing was happening to my wife or not. There may have been some mutual me-ism happening, but I could not pass on any blame to her until I got me straightened out. I'm the one who needed to change if my marriage was to be redeemed.
Today's Bible reading is from the book of Ruth. It is a story of a widow, Naomi, her widowed daughter in law and their journey back to their homeland, seeking what to do with their life next. As widowed persons, they had to depend on family to help them. As the story unfolds, Ruth, a foreigner who didn't have to attend to Naomi, showed her true nature as one with great compassion and a servant's heart by her companionship with Naomi. (which was not required of her.) Boaz, Ruth's kinsman, revealed his own character in how he received these women among his clan and was so moved by Ruth's care of her mother-in-law that he acquired the rights to Naomi's family property and the rights to marry Ruth.
Ruth may have been a very beautiful woman and Boaz equally handsome, but we don't know that. It is likely that she was still quite young and Boaz many years her senior. Though it wasn't their mutual lust, Ruth's quest for riches, Boaz's quest for a trophy wife or even the law that drew these two people together. They had both humbled themselves in ways they weren't required. They served each other to show their respect. Their marriage began with honor and God honored them in through it by giving them a son, Obed who was the grandfather of King David.
I learned this many years ago and I will admit that my marriage hasn't been smooth sailing since, but it has been much better because I wasn't in it only for me. I learned to honor my partner in life, by serving her, loving her, caring for her in new ways. Where I didn't offer my respect, now I do. I offer her grace, even when she doesn't deserve it (that is not very often). It's not what's in it for me anymore, it's what's in it for her. And it is interesting how it works, the more I give away my life to her, the more I receive in return. The less I worry about what I need, the more my needs are met. Herein lies the secret to marriage, honor your spouse by giving yourself away.
Isn't that also what God has in mind for us. It's the same thing. To give up our lives in order to find them. To honor those around us, to serve Christ by serving others and setting yourself aside is to find your own cup of blessing to be filled to overflowing. That's why Jesus used the marriage illustration so much. It really does reveal the kingdom. God's simple rule for us, don't live for yourself any more, live for others, for your spouse, for the stranger and not only is God's purpose fulfilled, but we discover the very riches God has waiting for us.
Peace ><>
PC
Then it hit me. I was the problem. Me-ism was the prognosis. My focus had been on how this relationship benefitted, or didn't benefit, me. And I wondered why we grew further apart. Now I can't say for sure if this same thing was happening to my wife or not. There may have been some mutual me-ism happening, but I could not pass on any blame to her until I got me straightened out. I'm the one who needed to change if my marriage was to be redeemed.
Today's Bible reading is from the book of Ruth. It is a story of a widow, Naomi, her widowed daughter in law and their journey back to their homeland, seeking what to do with their life next. As widowed persons, they had to depend on family to help them. As the story unfolds, Ruth, a foreigner who didn't have to attend to Naomi, showed her true nature as one with great compassion and a servant's heart by her companionship with Naomi. (which was not required of her.) Boaz, Ruth's kinsman, revealed his own character in how he received these women among his clan and was so moved by Ruth's care of her mother-in-law that he acquired the rights to Naomi's family property and the rights to marry Ruth.
Ruth may have been a very beautiful woman and Boaz equally handsome, but we don't know that. It is likely that she was still quite young and Boaz many years her senior. Though it wasn't their mutual lust, Ruth's quest for riches, Boaz's quest for a trophy wife or even the law that drew these two people together. They had both humbled themselves in ways they weren't required. They served each other to show their respect. Their marriage began with honor and God honored them in through it by giving them a son, Obed who was the grandfather of King David.
I learned this many years ago and I will admit that my marriage hasn't been smooth sailing since, but it has been much better because I wasn't in it only for me. I learned to honor my partner in life, by serving her, loving her, caring for her in new ways. Where I didn't offer my respect, now I do. I offer her grace, even when she doesn't deserve it (that is not very often). It's not what's in it for me anymore, it's what's in it for her. And it is interesting how it works, the more I give away my life to her, the more I receive in return. The less I worry about what I need, the more my needs are met. Herein lies the secret to marriage, honor your spouse by giving yourself away.
Isn't that also what God has in mind for us. It's the same thing. To give up our lives in order to find them. To honor those around us, to serve Christ by serving others and setting yourself aside is to find your own cup of blessing to be filled to overflowing. That's why Jesus used the marriage illustration so much. It really does reveal the kingdom. God's simple rule for us, don't live for yourself any more, live for others, for your spouse, for the stranger and not only is God's purpose fulfilled, but we discover the very riches God has waiting for us.
Peace ><>
PC
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Incomplete Alone
Some of you are probably wondering why today we moved to Genesis in the daily Bible readings, but if you are up to date, you also know that yesterday's reading was Jesus' views on divorce. Today the story is about Adam and Eve and their garden home. It's the story of their beginnings, describing how they were each created, where they were created, and especially why they were created.
Verse 15 tells us that Man was made to work the ground and to keep it in order and that all else, other living creatures, were made as companions for Man and that the most suitable companion that God created was woman. This story is not simply a story of the origin of humanity, but an important truth about it. Man and woman are different inside and out, but one of the many things they have in common is their need for companionship.
While it is true, there are many people who are most satisfied when they are alone, most of us need companionship. (And I would argue that even those who claim to be happiest when alone have withdrawn from companionship because of some past hurts or disappointments. It is their fear of being hurt again that keeps them alone, but inside they long for companionship.) That's who we are, people who need people. Maybe not a lot of interaction, some need more than others. My wife would be happy just to stay in smaller groups, I desire the larger ones. She loves to be at home with the family, I love to invite guests to share with our family. She enjoys sitting at home watching a DVD together, I love going to the theater. We are different, yet we need the companionship.
This says to us that in God's design humans are incomplete alone. We need others. We were made to be in community, in relationship with other humans, developing friendships, sharing time, being intimate with another human. The ultimate form of this companionship is marriage, husband and wife, with their different attributes made to compliment one another so that they may share life. This is also the most beautiful companionship when it's allowed to work, when it is made to work.
I could illustrate it, but a recent book and subsequent film that shows the beauty of a marital relationship is The Notebook. It is the story of two people who pursued each other and built their life together in a true sacrificial love. I won't spoil it for you if you haven't read or watched, but let's leave it to say that we see marriage in a way that was meant to be for two humans who lived their whole lives deeply in love with each other. They needed each other because that's how were were wired up. We need the touch, the face, the heart of another human.
Who is your companion, best friend, confidant, lover? (yes, it is okay to have one of those, but only if it is your spouse! God created that part of us, too, to enjoy!) Whether married, single, widowed or divorced, all of us need companionship in the form of some healthy relationship. God said, "It's not good for the Man to be alone." (Gen. 2:18, The Message) The same is true of Women. Hug your spouse, call your friend, reach out to someone because we need each other. It's how we were created.
Peace ><>
PC
Verse 15 tells us that Man was made to work the ground and to keep it in order and that all else, other living creatures, were made as companions for Man and that the most suitable companion that God created was woman. This story is not simply a story of the origin of humanity, but an important truth about it. Man and woman are different inside and out, but one of the many things they have in common is their need for companionship.
While it is true, there are many people who are most satisfied when they are alone, most of us need companionship. (And I would argue that even those who claim to be happiest when alone have withdrawn from companionship because of some past hurts or disappointments. It is their fear of being hurt again that keeps them alone, but inside they long for companionship.) That's who we are, people who need people. Maybe not a lot of interaction, some need more than others. My wife would be happy just to stay in smaller groups, I desire the larger ones. She loves to be at home with the family, I love to invite guests to share with our family. She enjoys sitting at home watching a DVD together, I love going to the theater. We are different, yet we need the companionship.
This says to us that in God's design humans are incomplete alone. We need others. We were made to be in community, in relationship with other humans, developing friendships, sharing time, being intimate with another human. The ultimate form of this companionship is marriage, husband and wife, with their different attributes made to compliment one another so that they may share life. This is also the most beautiful companionship when it's allowed to work, when it is made to work.
I could illustrate it, but a recent book and subsequent film that shows the beauty of a marital relationship is The Notebook. It is the story of two people who pursued each other and built their life together in a true sacrificial love. I won't spoil it for you if you haven't read or watched, but let's leave it to say that we see marriage in a way that was meant to be for two humans who lived their whole lives deeply in love with each other. They needed each other because that's how were were wired up. We need the touch, the face, the heart of another human.
Who is your companion, best friend, confidant, lover? (yes, it is okay to have one of those, but only if it is your spouse! God created that part of us, too, to enjoy!) Whether married, single, widowed or divorced, all of us need companionship in the form of some healthy relationship. God said, "It's not good for the Man to be alone." (Gen. 2:18, The Message) The same is true of Women. Hug your spouse, call your friend, reach out to someone because we need each other. It's how we were created.
Peace ><>
PC
Pastor's Class Note
NOTE: This afternoon, if time permits, I will post my notes from the Pastor's Class. We studied Matthew 16:21-7:13, the beginning of the fourth major teaching discourse of Jesus ministry (in Matthew's Gospel). So if you are interested, check it out later today.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Aha!
It's one of those moments when something clicks in the brain, the eyesight becomes clearer and there is an understanding that wasn't there before. It's like driving in this dreary season when the cars in front of you are splashing muddy, saline mist all over the windshield that even the wipers can't remove it until the fine spray of washer fluid is applied then the window becomes crystal clear. Aha! I can see! I get it! I've never thought of that before. Now I understand.
You get the picture. Have you ever had one? These are the moments I live for, not only for myself, but also for others. When someone I am teaching, or sharing with "gets it" it energizes me. These times make me work even harder to create opportunities for little ahas.
I think the disciples had them often, not only when Jesus was around, but especially in their own ministry. They would be teaching about the Messiah and then some event or word from Jesus would come to mind and they would have to pause and say to themselves, aha. And I think it is something God is trying to do with us every day.
Ahas are revelations of what God wants for us, of what God wants us to do, of what we are to understand, how we are to think. They are the result of daily discipleship, focus and study. They can come at any time, but more often when we focus on our spiritual life, when we pray, when we read the scriptures. God is handing them out right and left. Have you had one lately? I hope you are not thinking, "yeah, I had one of those once, it was back in the day..."
This is the season for aha, it's called Epiphany. The day of Epiphany was January 6th, the orthodox Christmas Day (also the 12th day of Christmas. Aha!). It is the time of the appearance of the Divine on earth and the celebration of the Divine in our lives. It is a season that lasts until Lent. In this time the Church usually studies Jesus' life and teaching (although we tend to always do that!). The point is, we need a fresh understanding today of what God is doing for us and what God is wanting to do with us (and through us). That's what epiphany is for.
Seek a fresh one today.
Peace ><>
PC
You get the picture. Have you ever had one? These are the moments I live for, not only for myself, but also for others. When someone I am teaching, or sharing with "gets it" it energizes me. These times make me work even harder to create opportunities for little ahas.
I think the disciples had them often, not only when Jesus was around, but especially in their own ministry. They would be teaching about the Messiah and then some event or word from Jesus would come to mind and they would have to pause and say to themselves, aha. And I think it is something God is trying to do with us every day.
Ahas are revelations of what God wants for us, of what God wants us to do, of what we are to understand, how we are to think. They are the result of daily discipleship, focus and study. They can come at any time, but more often when we focus on our spiritual life, when we pray, when we read the scriptures. God is handing them out right and left. Have you had one lately? I hope you are not thinking, "yeah, I had one of those once, it was back in the day..."
This is the season for aha, it's called Epiphany. The day of Epiphany was January 6th, the orthodox Christmas Day (also the 12th day of Christmas. Aha!). It is the time of the appearance of the Divine on earth and the celebration of the Divine in our lives. It is a season that lasts until Lent. In this time the Church usually studies Jesus' life and teaching (although we tend to always do that!). The point is, we need a fresh understanding today of what God is doing for us and what God is wanting to do with us (and through us). That's what epiphany is for.
Seek a fresh one today.
Peace ><>
PC
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
A Work of Art
What if there were no sense of sight? Not in animals or humans. Would a sunset still be as colorful if no one were to see it? Would a diamond sparkle just as much even though we could not see its brilliance? Do these things and many others only have value because of our eyesight? Or do they have value from another source? I cannot help but think that the brilliance of a diamond, the color of a sunset, the beauty of any landscape would be just as magnificent without the gift of sight. The reason? It's not about us. Their magnificence is generated by the Creator. They speak of the Creator, give glimpses of who the Creator is. It is God's fingerprint and God's nature that give them value and beauty. Just think of the millions of sunsets and landscapes on all of the planets (and moons and stars, and other heavenly phenomenon) throughout the universe that have never been witnessed, except by the Creator. Are they not as beautiful as the ones on earth? Or even more magnificent? It is from God that they receive their value and their true beauty.
Ever mold anything out of clay (like Adam was molded out of the clay of the earth)? Did you leave your finerprint on it? It's almost impossible not to. Whether we leave a partial print on the surface or not, it still bears our imprint because it comes from our imagining. Its value comes from its creator. Your value comes from the same source. In fact the Creator has just as much pleasure in looking at you as the sunset because you bear the very fingerprint of God. It was only humans that God said was "very good." You are very good in the eyes of God.
Ever mold anything out of clay (like Adam was molded out of the clay of the earth)? Did you leave your finerprint on it? It's almost impossible not to. Whether we leave a partial print on the surface or not, it still bears our imprint because it comes from our imagining. Its value comes from its creator. Your value comes from the same source. In fact the Creator has just as much pleasure in looking at you as the sunset because you bear the very fingerprint of God. It was only humans that God said was "very good." You are very good in the eyes of God.
I’m speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it’s important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.
(Romans 12:3, The Message)
Look at yourself in the mirror today . What has God done for you? Are you awake? Seeing your reflection (even if your hair is a mess and you haven't brushed your teeth)? Have a pulse? Have a place to stay, a job to go to, a family to love, a life to live? That's not so bad is it? And you didn't make any of that happen, God did. You didn't even make the mirror to look into. All that you have, all that you are is because of God. You didn't earn or think up forgiveness. You didn't create loveability. Yet you are living, breathing, loved and forgiven. Are you getting the picture? Your picture? The picture of you, hanging on the wall of God (or in God's wallet were God to carry one!)? You are a work of art, of the very hand of the Creator. It's as Paul said that the only true way to understand ourselves is by what God is and does for us.
You are God's handiwork. You are God's and because of that you're a masterpiece
Peace ><>
PC
Monday, January 09, 2006
Christian or something less
When I think about the label, Christian, it makes me nervous. The term was first used in the city of Antioch (Acts 11:26) and it literally means to be like Christ or little Christs. It wasn't first used as a term of honor, but of derision, such as, "they think they are just little christs" or "they act like they are little christs." It stuck because that was the goal, to be as close to Christ as we could get. The problem is most of our lives on this earth don't look fully like Christ's, so how can we take on the label, Christian, fully and with honor.
Paul said it when he described himself, "Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin?" (Romans 7:24, NLT) He understood that although he wanted his life to be defined by Christ, to mimic Christ, it didn't always. We work at it, we try, but sometimes we fail. We are not fully like Christ.
That's why I like to think of myself not as a Christian, but as becoming one. I am becoming more like Christ all the time, or at least working toward that goal. Maybe I don't make huge strides every day, or even every week, but that is my goal and I am working on it. I want to become like Christ. I want to be defined by what that really means, not just because I made a profession of faith or because I am a pastor, but because my life looked like Jesus' life.
But what happens when we fail? Fortunately, we are not judged every day and we are not defined by only one day of our lives, rather by all of them. We are not a Christian one day and a non-Christian on the next because of our actions, our salvation is not that tenuous. We are defined by the journey, the journey to become a Christian. "Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." (Romans 7:25-8:1, NLT)
Am I a Christian? Definitely not in the best sense of the term. I am trying to become a Christian but not because of my actions yet. But because of the grace of Christ and because I am defined by him, I guess you could call me that.
Peace ><>
PC
Paul said it when he described himself, "Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin?" (Romans 7:24, NLT) He understood that although he wanted his life to be defined by Christ, to mimic Christ, it didn't always. We work at it, we try, but sometimes we fail. We are not fully like Christ.
That's why I like to think of myself not as a Christian, but as becoming one. I am becoming more like Christ all the time, or at least working toward that goal. Maybe I don't make huge strides every day, or even every week, but that is my goal and I am working on it. I want to become like Christ. I want to be defined by what that really means, not just because I made a profession of faith or because I am a pastor, but because my life looked like Jesus' life.
But what happens when we fail? Fortunately, we are not judged every day and we are not defined by only one day of our lives, rather by all of them. We are not a Christian one day and a non-Christian on the next because of our actions, our salvation is not that tenuous. We are defined by the journey, the journey to become a Christian. "Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." (Romans 7:25-8:1, NLT)
Am I a Christian? Definitely not in the best sense of the term. I am trying to become a Christian but not because of my actions yet. But because of the grace of Christ and because I am defined by him, I guess you could call me that.
Peace ><>
PC
Brand Nu Mind
Okay, so I failed to post yesterday. I can make excuses, but I won't. So here is a brief recap from Sunday's message...
And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask? 2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. (Romans 12:1-2, NLT)
What do you think about yourself? How do you think about your self? Is it a high view? Do you have good self-esteem? Or when you look into the mirror are you unsure of what you see? In order for us to transformed into the creation God wants us to be it starts with our mind, our thinking. Paul said, change the way you think, especially about yourself!
Jesus was the Messiah and his disciples knew it. They didn't always voice it, nor did they always believe it (sometimes they believed, doubted, rejected and believed all in the same day!). And it was this understanding of Jesus that made them follow him, yet he didn't want them to make this their teaching. He wanted to be defined not by his title, but by his life, his actions, for who he really was, not just what people might think a Messiah was about. (There were great expectations for the Messiah, that had little to do with God's purposes for Jesus.) So he showed them who he really was through his mercy, love and grace. He challenged his disciples to see his real identity and to look closely at their own.
When we are defined by outside expectations, we fall into molds that usually do not fit us. In other words, sometimes (all too often) we work at living our lives according to others expectations of us instead of us becoming the people God meant for us to be. Paul said not to be defined by the world. We have already been defined by the creator, that's why we need renewal, to rediscover the original God made us to be; to scrape away the layers of falsehood and find the original, just as we came from the showroom floor. We need to get back to how God made us to be, to recognize that this is the person God made and loves, as we really are.
You are a child of God, made in God's image and you are loved. Look in the mirror and see this person then let your life be defined by that. That's radical thinking and it changes our world!
Peace ><>
PC
And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask? 2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. (Romans 12:1-2, NLT)
What do you think about yourself? How do you think about your self? Is it a high view? Do you have good self-esteem? Or when you look into the mirror are you unsure of what you see? In order for us to transformed into the creation God wants us to be it starts with our mind, our thinking. Paul said, change the way you think, especially about yourself!
Jesus was the Messiah and his disciples knew it. They didn't always voice it, nor did they always believe it (sometimes they believed, doubted, rejected and believed all in the same day!). And it was this understanding of Jesus that made them follow him, yet he didn't want them to make this their teaching. He wanted to be defined not by his title, but by his life, his actions, for who he really was, not just what people might think a Messiah was about. (There were great expectations for the Messiah, that had little to do with God's purposes for Jesus.) So he showed them who he really was through his mercy, love and grace. He challenged his disciples to see his real identity and to look closely at their own.
When we are defined by outside expectations, we fall into molds that usually do not fit us. In other words, sometimes (all too often) we work at living our lives according to others expectations of us instead of us becoming the people God meant for us to be. Paul said not to be defined by the world. We have already been defined by the creator, that's why we need renewal, to rediscover the original God made us to be; to scrape away the layers of falsehood and find the original, just as we came from the showroom floor. We need to get back to how God made us to be, to recognize that this is the person God made and loves, as we really are.
You are a child of God, made in God's image and you are loved. Look in the mirror and see this person then let your life be defined by that. That's radical thinking and it changes our world!
Peace ><>
PC
Weekly Readings January 8-15
Sunday - Matthew 16
Monday - Romans 7
Tuesday - Romans 12
Wednesday - Matthew 19:1-12
Thursday - Genesis 2
Friday - Ruth 2; 4:
Saturday -1 Corinthians 7
Sunday - 1 Corinthians 13
Monday - Romans 7
Tuesday - Romans 12
Wednesday - Matthew 19:1-12
Thursday - Genesis 2
Friday - Ruth 2; 4:
Saturday -1 Corinthians 7
Sunday - 1 Corinthians 13
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