This is how we've come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrifices his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fello believers and not just be out for ourselves. (1 John 3:16, The Message)
We all have something that someone is expecting us to do, to perform, some duty or chore or responsibility. Husbands and wives have many of these expectations of the other and when these expectations are not met, conflict results. Now I'm not talking WWIII, but little tiffs and disappointments that once piled up can cause division. These expectations may be reasonable or not, miscommunicated or even unknown. I've discovered that it is these communication miscues that cause the most problems.
I don't remember exactly how long ago it was, but I thouht a lot about the idea of service and sacrificial love in my marriage. I wanted to show my wife just how much I loved her and I surely didn't want to continue to disappoint her by not completing the things she was expecting of me. So I started doing the things I thought would help make her life easier. I started doing the things for her that I had expected her to do. I decided to out-do her in service.
It wasn't a contest really, I never told her that this was the plan and that I expected her to serve me accordingly. I simply began helping with the tasks that now she wouldn't have to do. It helped her with her daily routine, gave her some space for herself, some much needed free time in a busy day with little children. It wasn't much. It didn't have to be. It was meant to be thoughtful and loving. It was done without any expectations for reciprocation. It was done for love.
Now this may not sound sacrificial, but in a way it is. It is sacrificing expectations and turning it into service. It is amazing to me how selfish we have gotten as a society. I'm equally as guilty. And a way to overcome this selfishness is to serve someone else. Through the years I don't know how many couples I have counseled and weddings I have performed, but in almost every case, to every couple I have challenged them to this one simple task to show their love and respect of the other, try to out-do one another in service. Make it a game. Make it fun. Work at discovering the deepest needs of your loved one and fill them. Blow expectations out of the water and show true love, sacrificial love.
What would it take to out-do your spouse today? Would it mean little things like making the bed, vacuuming the floor, picking up after the kids? Or would it be taking her out for dinner instead of her making it at home? (or guys, making dinner for her! I know you can cook!) Think. Be creative. Love unconditionally and sacrificially. Out-do and see what happens.
Peace ><>
PC
1 comment:
I received this question today, "I would ask for further clarification from you as to what you mean by a holy marriage has greater expectations than a civil marriage. Are you referring that God has greater expectations on the marriage of a couple who where married in the church and that his expectations might somehow be lessoned in the union of a couple who were married in a civil ceramony?"
I responded with the following email:
As far as an answer to your earlier question, I think there is a difference between strictly civil and Christian wedding vows. This is not to say that a civil one cannot have the same covenantal properties, but in essence they don’t. If two Christians have a civil ceremony (because of whatever circumstances) but have in their mind and in their vows that this is a Godly covenant, then it holds the same weight as the same service in the church. I would also go so far to say that a church wedding can be the same as civil one if the parties do not understand or if the covenantal properties of a Godly marriage are not explained.
In the eyes of the law (American), there is no difference, two are still married regardless which ceremony is used. The same could be said in the eyes of God that it doesn’t make a difference, they are still married. The difference is in the promise made to God and a true understanding of what marriage is meant to be. The way I see it, if I make a promise to another human and break it (divorce) that’s one thing, but if I make a promise to God and break it, I will be held accountable in a completely different way. I simply want people to take their bond seriously and if they are not serious about inviting God into this most holy of covenants, then either don’t get married, or have a civil ceremony. All marriages are meant to be (regardless of the place or type of ceremony) holy, representing Christ to the world. (It’s just that some don’t see it that way.)
The point and the goal is a marriage covenant that is set apart from the norm. "Be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect."
Peace ><>
PC
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