The Marriage Secret

I don't remember exactly when it happened, but there was a day many years ago that something in my heart changed as I thought about my marriage and our struggles. I had wondered if it was worth the trouble, if we really had what it took to be together. We had been married for a long time, but it seemed that we grew further apart instead of closer together. I wasn't feeling like everything was okay. I didn't feel like I was appreciated enough. I wasn't getting all that I felt like I needed. I was focused on how this marriage was affecting me.

Then it hit me. I was the problem. Me-ism was the prognosis. My focus had been on how this relationship benefitted, or didn't benefit, me. And I wondered why we grew further apart. Now I can't say for sure if this same thing was happening to my wife or not. There may have been some mutual me-ism happening, but I could not pass on any blame to her until I got me straightened out. I'm the one who needed to change if my marriage was to be redeemed.

Today's Bible reading is from the book of Ruth. It is a story of a widow, Naomi, her widowed daughter in law and their journey back to their homeland, seeking what to do with their life next. As widowed persons, they had to depend on family to help them. As the story unfolds, Ruth, a foreigner who didn't have to attend to Naomi, showed her true nature as one with great compassion and a servant's heart by her companionship with Naomi. (which was not required of her.) Boaz, Ruth's kinsman, revealed his own character in how he received these women among his clan and was so moved by Ruth's care of her mother-in-law that he acquired the rights to Naomi's family property and the rights to marry Ruth.

Ruth may have been a very beautiful woman and Boaz equally handsome, but we don't know that. It is likely that she was still quite young and Boaz many years her senior. Though it wasn't their mutual lust, Ruth's quest for riches, Boaz's quest for a trophy wife or even the law that drew these two people together. They had both humbled themselves in ways they weren't required. They served each other to show their respect. Their marriage began with honor and God honored them in through it by giving them a son, Obed who was the grandfather of King David.

I learned this many years ago and I will admit that my marriage hasn't been smooth sailing since, but it has been much better because I wasn't in it only for me. I learned to honor my partner in life, by serving her, loving her, caring for her in new ways. Where I didn't offer my respect, now I do. I offer her grace, even when she doesn't deserve it (that is not very often). It's not what's in it for me anymore, it's what's in it for her. And it is interesting how it works, the more I give away my life to her, the more I receive in return. The less I worry about what I need, the more my needs are met. Herein lies the secret to marriage, honor your spouse by giving yourself away.

Isn't that also what God has in mind for us. It's the same thing. To give up our lives in order to find them. To honor those around us, to serve Christ by serving others and setting yourself aside is to find your own cup of blessing to be filled to overflowing. That's why Jesus used the marriage illustration so much. It really does reveal the kingdom. God's simple rule for us, don't live for yourself any more, live for others, for your spouse, for the stranger and not only is God's purpose fulfilled, but we discover the very riches God has waiting for us.

Peace ><>
PC